When I was seven years old, my parents were divorced. The aftermath has lasted a lifetime. I know you are probably wondering what this post has to do with art, stay with me. My parents’ divorce was the first of many disappointments I would have to face in this life, but it was also the catalyst for so many beautiful things to come. During and after their divorce, I needed desperately to understand why this happened to our little family. I was a quiet child and often found it difficult to form the appropriate words to express what I was feeling, I began to find solace in drawing (read more about that here) Twenty years later, I was facing divorce again but this time it was my own. I found solace in paint.
During those life changing circumstances, I had to let go of what I thought in order to gain what I knew to be true. 2017 was an entire year of letting go for me. I didn’t plan it that way, it just happened. From my kids becoming young adults, to my home of twelve years, expectations, lovers and even close friends, I had to let them all go. It’s scary, it’s sad, it’s painful, it’s overwhelming, it’s necessary. In all of that letting go, I realized that I was making space for new memories, new goals, new friends, new love, new art. For the first time in my adult life I can focus almost solely on myself. That is exciting and terrifying all at once.
There is an art to letting go. It requires a blank canvas, maybe some new pencils, brushes and paint. It requires patience with yourself and your environment. Evaluation of all that you’ve been holding onto and painfully honest answers why. Silence, concentration, breakage, raw emotions, acceptance and execution are all required in this process. My life is kind of like a blank canvas right now. I am starting over in so many ways and there are days when I just sit and stare at the canvas waiting for something miraculous to happen. Most days I realize that I am the miracle, and no longer do I need to hold onto anything that doesn’t help to create a new masterpiece of these pieces.