Lola is a butterfly painting I began in September of 2020 and completed in the summer of 2022. It’s a painting that was a last request from my very dear friend, Cecilia Zwanzig. In her last day on earth, I was blessed with the gift of Facetiming and speaking with her. Even as she was actively dying, she was joking around and reminiscing on her beautiful and challenging time on earth. We talked about life, love, pain, loss, fear, parenthood, death, music (A song called “Lola”), movies, food, and art. Here’s a snippet of what I recall about her request:
Cecilia: Hey Alicia, honey, can you do something for me? I just have this one last request.
This is my friend, Cecilia Zwanzig
The Brooch that inspired the final design
This is “Lola”
Me: Absolutely anything for you, Cecilia. What’s up?
Cecilia: Can you paint me a butterfly?
Me: Yes, of course I can.
Cecilia: Oh my God, thank you so much! I want it to be beautiful, with my favorite colors and I want you to bling it out, like the butterfly brooch I have, you know the one I’m talking about Joseph?
Joseph: Yeah Ma, I know which one.
Cecilia: Can you do that for me honey?
Me: It would be my honor, Cecilia. Would you help me through it though?
Cecilia: Yes, I want you to paint it and display it at my memorial. I promise I’ll show up and help you. It’ll be a Cecilia and Alicia original!
I met Cecilia in my early twenty’s when I was a new mom, new wife and entering the corporate work world. At the time, I had no idea how her life and presence would shape me. Cecilia was a mom herself to young Joseph. She was from the Bronx which was very evident in her accent and her take no shit attitude. She loved deeply and fiercely and is one of the most enthusiastic beings I have ever known. Though she was born with Spina Bifida, which is considered a disability, she never allowed it to disable her from living a full life. I could write a book of our conversations and the many lessons I learned from her but the most important one that covers it all is, love. Cecilia was and still is the epitome of love to me. She didn’t know it and neither did I until her passing, but she was very much a second mom to me. Guiding me through motherhood in ways that only she could.
Cecilia holding her son Joseph as a newborn
An angle with different lighting
The process of painting “Lola” was tough. I think a part of me knew that if I finished the painting, it would finalize her death. That there would be no more four-hour phone calls as she would say “shootin’ the shit.” It was a messy and imperfect process that she showed up for as promised.
The canvas has texture because I poured chunky glitter on the golden background, but I hated it and painted over it. I was about to get a completely new canvas when I heard her voice say, “No, leave it that way.” I went on to paint the background again in a purple and white hombre. This was difficult because I had already drawn the outline for the butterfly wings and blending around an outline with acrylic paint is tough. I really wanted to scrap it and start over, but I once again heard her say “No, leave it that way.” I went on to paint the butterfly inspired by her brooch. It was Tiffany blue with intricate details and tiny colorful gems. The colors and details unfolded as I painted. I just went with what I felt lead to do. I added shiny acrylic stones and then more glitter once the painting portion felt complete. When I finally finished, I noticed that the body of the butterfly was crooked and the wings uneven. I noticed other little intricacies and nuances that I would have ordinarily gone back and corrected. All I heard was, “No, leave it that way.” I looked at it for weeks thinking, surely there must be more that I’m supposed to do. All I heard was Cecilia’s voice, “Nope, it’s done, and I love it!”
Hombre wings and golden background start
I realized her message through the painting. That we are perfectly imperfect. Our flaws are what make us unique and beautiful and that they’re not flaws at all. We are all collection of our experiences which gives us texture also knows as character and sometimes grit. In the end, life is truly what you paint it to be. I decided to add both of our names to the piece since she obviously showed up for her part.
Her caption under her profile photo on Facebook reads: “I love to laugh and cry, usually at inappropriate times. I think that normal is boring.”
Cecilia’s sense of humor was unmatched