As an artist, my mind can be an interesting place. I’ve always been fascinated and sometimes utterly confused and frustrated by my thought process. When I am in a creative flow or community, it works well. Running a business… well that requires something different.
In the summer of 2022, I had gotten to a point of genuine frustration with myself. I was completely disorganized, and started to doubt my ability to continue running a small business with my mind in the state that I was in. My state of mind wasn’t new at all, but the level of frustration was, so I decided to finally have myself evaluated for ADHD. I had been self-diagnosed since I was a teen, but I needed confirmation, validation, something to make it all make sense.
Long story short, not only was what I already knew confirmed. I was also told that I was in the 92nd percentile! I didn’t know exactly what that meant so I asked, and she essentially told me that my symptoms were most likely severe. What does one do when they learn this information at the age of 44? I decided to try the medication, specifically Adderall. It was short lived for me and confirmed that medication was not my path.
Truthfully, I am very familiar with the symptoms that I’ve been living with practically my whole life. Here are just some that have been very prevalent in my journey: Disorganization, depression, anxiety, easily distracted, socially awkward, talkative, loud, hard to focus, hyper focused, forgetful, loses things, restless, interrupts others, unaware, hyper aware, impulsivity, fidgety, inattentive, very easily bored, overattentive, etc. This is just a list. For a long time, I thought everybody was like this. It’s hard to describe what living with ADHD on a daily basis is like so I’ll try to explain.
Most days, I would describe myself as a pinball in a pinball machine. Bouncing from here to there without any clear direction. I know the goal but getting there is challenging because of all the obstacles in my brain. I saw an analogy online that describes it perfectly. “It’s like having too many tabs open on the computer and not knowing which one the music is coming from”. Sometimes, it’s a lot but I don’t necessarily see any of it as a bad thing. This is a part of who I am, and I’ve realized that there is an art to living with ADHD.
The good things about having ADHD: I am creative, curious, driven, a risk taker and I think outside of the box. I’ve naturally developed modalities and coping mechanisms over the years that work for me to alleviate the not so good symptoms. I also still have a lot to learn and develop and I have self awareness. I know that creating systems for organization and planning is something that is necessary for me to be my best self. Physical activity and exercise are probably the most effective treatments for my ADHD. Proper hydration and healthy eating habits, which include whole foods and not a lot of processed foods is also important for me. I am learning the importance of rest and the different types. Check out this video on Youtube about the seven different types of rest. I talk to other people with ADHD for support and I am open and honest with my loved ones about my struggles. I have a therapist, an energy healer, a solid group of loved ones that are my tribe and a beautiful community.
I’m speaking more positively to myself and practicing finding humor in things that used to frustrate me about my symptoms & behaviors. This is the path that I’ve chosen.I am in no way saying that anyone else should follow my path. Individually, we must figure out what’s right for us. Each day, I am a blank canvas and I want to choose what I should paint as a proper representation of myself in the world. I will not box myself in with a label that society has created. I will not allow negativity to rule all that I do or don’t do. I’ll do my best to focus on the positive and use that to fuel my purpose. I share my truth in hopes that it will help someone to feel a little less alone on this journey. If you suspect that you have ADHD, it is not a bad thing. It can be challenging but with proper support, self-awareness, and planning, you’ll have the tools you need to thrive. If someone you love is living with ADHD, support them by giving them space to be themselves and ask them if there is anything you can do to support them on their journey.